


Your Personal Tour Guide To Rescue

by GachMoBrea



Series: Random [3]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: (Might not make sense if you didn't read the First story!), AU, Alternate Universe, Flirting?!, Gen, Iris is there for a few lines..., Kara is a ColdFlash Shipper, Mxyzptlk's powers might be off..., One-Sided Attraction, Probably OOC (not sure), RealityJumper!Snart, Sarcasm. Definitely., Sequel, Super Friends!, crossovers!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 12:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12343149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GachMoBrea/pseuds/GachMoBrea
Summary: ..."I want to know what happens next or if he might come across Barry again since you know he is trapped in the speedforce... He can rescue him after learning how to control his abilities." [Azura Night]- - - -Bored, Snart decides to check in on Barry and take him out of the blue tornado he last saw him in.What happens after his small act of kindness is not the sort of "thanks" he appreciates.





	Your Personal Tour Guide To Rescue

On a beach in the Bermuda triangle, two Snarts sit atop a boulder by the raging ocean.

"Whelp!" Elder-Snart sighs, patting his leg as he looks to his other self. "I think that's all there is to know."

"I've been meaning to ask this," Snart starts as his older version stands beside him. Looking up, he finishes, "What do you _do_ now that you can control your powers?"

"Whatever I want," Elder-Snart shrugs. He looks out over the water as he wistfully adds, "There's no one to stop me from going wherever, whenever, or however I want. I can move through galaxies in a blink of an eye or walk along a rocky road." He chuckles at fond memories. "Best of all, there's no weight of responsibility or fear. If I'm in danger, I automatically _jump_ somewhere else. Various people have tried to use their powers on me, but nothing has happened. Well," he hisses before the correction, "nothing major at least. Like I said, if I'm about to kick it, I end up somewhere else."

"You've never gone back to the team?" Snart asks, having considered that to be the first thing he should do once he could manage it.

"Don't bother," Elder-Snart remarks sadly, his eyes misting over. "They'll manage on their own without you. Besides, if you get tangled up with them again, Sara will try to guilt you into staying after Mick sends you away four times with his fists."

Snart chuckles.

"I ticked him off that badly?"

"Oh yeah."

"Wait," Snart stands as well to be at eye level with himself. "If I don't go, doesn't that mean you won't have those memories?"

"Aha! That's another odd thing about us," Elder-Snart smiles as he looks to himself. "No matter how many of the original me I meet in my time line, it doesn't change my own memories. In essence, I'm stuck with my own decisions while still being able to help myself make different ones."

Snart frowns. _Nope. Didn't understand any of that._

"Don't try to understand, Len," Elder-Snart says with a pat to his younger shoulder. "It doesn't make sense because it can't." He waves a hand as if to usher the younger him away, "Just do what you want. See where it takes you. Don't come looking for me if you mess up, though, I don't care about you."

"I _am_ you," Snart points out.

"I don't care about myself," Elder-Snart drones back.

"If I were to actually die, you would die too!" Snart counters again.

"Like I already told you, nothing you do will affect who I am," his older self grins. "Consider me your spiritual guide and just go _do_ something already. Talking to myself is boring."

"Hey!" Snart sighs at the empty air beside him, his older self already gone. "Crazy old man."

If it's true he'd become someone else than the infuriating man he'd been dealing with, he'd make it a point to do so.

 _Best not to think about it._ Snart decides. _Now...Where do I go first?_

　

...

　

Snart sits in during the painting of the Mona Lisa.

Then he shouts his own opinions during the writing of the Declaration of Independence.

Afterwards, he tests out the theory that somewhere cartoons are real, proves it to be correct, and spends an afternoon swimming in Scrooge McDuck's sea of money.

He sleeps in Queen Elisabeth's bed, without the royal present, grimaces at Bloody Mary's politics, then strolls along with a mob after hearing something about a protest against cake.

After a nap on the back of a triceratops, Snart gets curious about what some of his other selves could be like. He had already met two and they weren't very interesting, so he starts off into other realities looking for himself.

　

Even though Snart could control his powers, he still couldn't pin point exact places unless he had been there before. So, when he appears in front of himself walking around the outside complex of a prison, he's more than a little surprised.

"Who're you?" Michael asks, startled at the man standing in front of him. He looked exactly like him, but with greyer hair. _Where did he even come from? I never saw him approach!_

"A prison, of course," Snart drawls, annoyed that more of himself were imprisoned. "Hey," he lifts a chin to himself, "you want me to break you out of here?"

"Who _are_ you?" Michael demands more than asks the second time. _Is this some sort of trick? Who sent him? How did they find someone who looked like me?_

"Oi, Michael, who are you talking to?" Sucre calls out, jogging over to his friend. When he the man's double, he rubs at his eyes to make sure they were working. Opening them again, the double is gone and he speaks a quick prayer in Spanish before addressing his friend. "Was I seeing things, or was there another you standing here a minute ago?"

"If so, we're both crazy," Michael sighs, rubbing his forehead. All the stress of the job must be getting to him. "Come on," he prods, "let's not stand around so much. It looks suspicious."

　

...

　

The second version of himself Snart comes across seems a little bit of a pansy. The guy's young, has a thick head of curls, and wears glasses. The place he works in is as cold as prison and just as dark.

What's worse is, this nerd him is ratting a coworker out to the cops and Snart calls himself all kinds of unpleasant names when the idiot calls after the cops wondering if they were going to take it easy on whoever he outed.

Once the cops leave, Snart takes it upon himself to give this other him some advice. He walks into the locker room and grins as his double jumps, his back hitting the metal loudly as he tries to stay away from him.

"A word to the wise, four-eyes," Snart drawls. "Never out a colleague unless you want him gone."

"Wh-What-Who-" the nerd shakes in fear as he looks at the other version of himself, unable to get a full question out.

"Don't mind me," Snart smirks. "I'm just passing by."

He vanishes with a wink, enjoying the other's wide-eyed expression in the second before he's gone from sight.

　

...

　

Bored with meeting himself, Snart decides to check on that whirlwind place to see if Barry was still hanging around there. When he finds the speedster sitting in a duplicate of his childhood home, he wonders if he got the reality.

"Where'd the blue tornado go?" Snart drawls, making the speedster jump out of his chair in surprise.

"Snart!" Barry's eyes widen as his mouth drops. "You came back? Where did you go? How are you here?"

"I suppose I have time to shock you with my heroics," Snart remarks with a hidden touch of pride as he strolls over to an open chair beside the speedster. He gestures to the recently vacated seat and waits for Barry to sit down again before giving him a complete run-down of what happened.

Well...It's a severely edited version, with twists that didn't happen just so that Snart could watch the kid's eyes bug out even more in unhidden awe.

"Then I came here!" Snart finishes with a flourish to encompasses the house. "To you," he points at the hero. "Impressed?"

"Snart, you blew up? You can go from realities? And you haven't tried using that ability to ruin anything?!" Barry beams at the Legend and the criminal part in Snart is disappointed in him for slacking off. "That's _amazing_! Incredible! I-I-" the speedster shakes his head, "I can't come up with anything to properly describe how I feel."

"That's probably good, because I suddenly hate myself for coming here," Snart remarks. "Why don't you tell me why you're hanging out in purgatory? You blow up too? Another accelerator explosion from a third Wells perhaps?"

"He...died..." Barry answers soberly, forgetting neither man had met each other. He quickly changes subjects, "I came here to atone for my sins."

"Your....sins...." Snart drops his head back against his chair to look heavenward. "What sort of crap is that?"

"It's true!" Barry insists. "I've been selfish! I altered the time line and created flashpoint! I created Savitar! My own desires for personal happiness have either wiped people off the face of the earth, gotten them killed, changed them, or ruined their lives forever!"

"Ugh! Such drivel!" Snart rises from his chair to pace the room. He decides that a drink was in order and heads into the kitchen to see if it was real.

"Where are you going?" the speedster asks as he trails after the Legend.

"I take if your atonement isn't starving yourself to death?" Snart drawls as he goes through the cabinets. He finds ingredients for cocoa and mini marshmallows and settles to make that.

"You showed up in the speedforce to _cook_?" Barry's voice strains with the ridiculous possibility.

"I'm not making _you_ anything, you pathetic whiner," the Legend returns, finding a pot. He pours in the milk then starts the fire. "I can't believe you'd let things turn out this badly, Barry. If I had known you'd end up becoming an idiot, I wouldn't have left my city."

"Your city?" the hero scoffs. "You mean the place you robbed and stole from?"

"What's mine is mine," Snart shrugs, measuring in the cocoa powder. "I left thinking you could handle things." He glares up at the hero. "I guess I was wrong."

"I didn't leave the city unprotected!" Barry insists, his face flustered at the criminal's accusation. "There are more Metas with powers who can watch over Central. People who are better than me in more than one way."

"And I'm _sure_ Iris West was _so happy_ to see you go," Snart remarks sarcastically as he adds the sugar. He turns a 'you pathetic loser' face to the speedster, then returns his focus to making his drink.

"Iris almost _died_ because of me!" Barry points out in frustration. "As long as I'm not around, she'll be better off. Safer."

"Forlorn with lost love and slowly turning into a bitter spinster or," Snart picks up a wooden spoon to point it at the speedster, "she might actually be better off; find a competent guy." He turns back to the pot, "Hopefully one that doesn't die or desert her. That would be nice."

"What about Lisa?" Barry brings up the other man's sister to save him from the mocking sarcasm. "You left her all alone in Central City! I hadn't even heard about her the entire time you've been gone!"

"Lisa is my sister, not my lover," Snart points out as he stirs. "We already had a long, drawn out conversation where deep emotions were felt and the whole world cried tears of sympathy."

Barry rolls his eyes at the other man's obnoxious attitude. He wants to throw the man's pot of cocoa right in his face to teach him a lesson.

"Don't touch my cocoa," Snart warns, feeling the glare on his back.

The speedster startles as the other man reads his thoughts.

"Honestly," the Legend sighs, turning off the heat. "You lightweights are so predictable." He finds two cups and pouts the cocoa into them. After returning the pot to the stove, he adds the mini marshmallows then heads back to his seat.

After moving his head back and forth between his 'house guest' and the abandoned drink he left behind, Barry picks up the second cup and follows after Snart.

The two men sit in silence as they sip their drinks, Snart sighing out in content relief as the warmth spreads throughout his body.

_Maybe I should waste time here, picking on Barry for a few weeks. It might be entertaining to see if I can turn the kid Rogue._

"Are you going to stay here long?" Barry quietly asks, his eyes on the floating marshmallows in his half empty cup.

"I'm not sure," Snart sighs, relaxing fully in his chair. He brings his cup to his lips. "That depends on how long you want to stay here."

The Legends takes a sip while the speedster lifts his head to stare at him.

"I can't leave," the hero says matter-of-factly. "If I do an energy storm will break out all over the world. Cities will be destroyed, people will die, I can't let that happen!"

"So...This place needs a speedster at all times to make sure the 'real world' isn't affected?" Snart surmised. The speedster nods. "That shouldn't be too hard to find."

"No, Snart," Barry tells the man, putting his cup down on a side table to free up his hands. "I won't let anyone else be imprisoned here. I deserve to be here, so I'll stay. Don't try to force me out either, because I'll just come back on my own."

"Determined to throw your life away, are you?" Snart asks, his anger building. "You want to rot away in this-this oddball place just because you made some mistakes? What good does that do for everyone else? _Anyone_ else?"

"I won't change my mind, no matter what you say," Barry says with conviction.

Snart narrows his eyes at the figurative thorn in his side.

"What if I found someone who actually d _eserves_ to be here?" he challenges. "Perhaps someone in a yellow or black suit?"

"The Reverse Flash and Zoom are dead," Barry says.

"In your universe," Snart counters. "With every decision we make, another universe is created. There are billions on billions of evil speedsters to choose from, each possibly more twisted than the last." Putting down his cup, he leans into the hero's space. "Wouldn't you have preferred to never have grown up to be The Flash, Barry? Isn't that what you changed to create flashpoint to begin with?"

"You...can do that?" Barry asks, his voice low and weak as if lost. "But, no, it will affect the time line. You'll only create the same problems I did."

"Not exactly," Snart grins, enjoying having he upper hand over his usually competent opponent. "You made problems when you tried to set things back to how they were. I won't do that. Whoever I pick up will stay here, just like you, unable to leave this little prison you created." He lowers his voice for affect, "All the while serving time for crimes that warrant the punishment."

Barry's heart races at the thought of freeing another version of himself from the nightmares he's faced. All the lives that would be saved if there were no Meta-Humans created...The peaceful existence he could have lived if things worked the way they should...

Locking eyes with the used-to-be criminal, Barry makes his decision.

"How do you know if you've reached a reality where the Reverse Flash is evil?" he can't help but ask.

Snart smiles.

"Oh...I have my ways..."

　

...

　

In one reality, Eobard Thawne becomes a tyrant, killing whomever he pleased when he became especially bored. He speeds all through time, looking for other speedsters to race and defeat.

Snart whistles a tune as he drives a garbage truck into the evil man as he stops in the middle of the road to mock a crying woman.

"Howdy," the Legend tips an imaginary hat to the confused but still weeping woman. "I'll just take this trash out. No need to fear anymore. It's just my job."

Snart winks at the woman, then disappears with the monster.

　

...

　

"What if this backfires? What if Thawne becomes worse while in here? What if he manages to escape to my time line? Put him back. I can't do this."

Snart rolls his eyes at all the second guessing that's been thrown at him.

"Listen, kid," he barks over the hero to get him to stop. More reasonably. he continues, "If he really shows his ugly mug again and starts up trouble for my city, just call me and I'll drop him on the moon to implode. Okay?"

"You can go to the moon without dying?" Barry asks, eyes widening like an innocent child.

Snart wants to punch him in the face for the admiration.

"It was a figure of speech, Barry," he scolds the younger man. "Though I don't actually _know_ if I could or not." He shrugs as he thinks about it. "I might try it out."

_After all, my powers have a safety measure that doesn't let me die._

"This was not our agreement," female voice says, earning the attention of the two arguing men. Snart looks her over carefully and vaguely remembers seeing her the last time he was in the blue tornado.

"Well, no but-"

"Why should someone who's trying to make a difference be locked up when there are jerks who deserve it more?" Snart talks over the speedster as he takes a step closer to the woman.

The lady's eyes snap to the Legend and she frowns.

"How have you even come into being?" she asks him.

"I blew up," Snart answers, smiling as the woman's frown deepens. "Listen, lady, if you want, the _next time_ I get super bored I'll pop back in here and we can have a chat. Sound alright?"

"Can you not talk to her like that?" Barry asks timidly.

"Why?" the Legends turns to him.

"Because-" the hero turns away bashfully. "Because she looks like my mom."

Snart's mouth makes an 'O' as he turns back to the woman.

"Apologies fake Mrs. Allen," he says with a slight bow. "I'll make sure to wipe my feet when I come back to show my respect."

"Snart!" Barry hisses.

"I'm already being nice to you," Snart returns dryly. "Why should I do that for strangers that look like your mother?"

Barry looks to the woman, "Sorry."

"Be careful returning to your world, Barry," the woman says, turning away from the Legend to face the speedster fully. "Do not expect us to be lenient with you should you maintain the discrepancy of changing things you should not."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, stop screwing with time." Snart strolls over to Barry and puts an arm across the speedster's shoulders. "We got it."

They disappear and the woman scowls for a second before turning away to vanish herself.

　

...

　

Barry blinks as he appears in a booth at Saints & Sinners. Looking across the table he sees the criminal-turned-Legend eating a steak and fries and he feels a sense of déjà vu wash over him.

_Where did he get that? And how did he do it so fast?_

"Who are you going to go running to first?" Snart asks in between mouthfuls. _Does the kid still have his wallet? Maybe he'll get arrested when I disappear and he's left with the bill._ He smiles. _That would be funny._

"Oh, uh, I don't know," Barry's mind still hadn't settled to the fact he was _out_ _and free_! "Joe?"

"Meh, if you want a bear hug first I guess," Snart shakes his head. "I'd go for the girlfriend. Then at least you'd get a kiss too."

_Or a slap, depending on how they left things._

"I don't know," the speedster hesitates.

"Oh ho!" the Legend's interest is piqued. "Did you cheat on her, Mr. Good Guy?"

"What? No!" Barry looks to the other man, offended.

"Just wondering," Snart shrugs. He cuts back into his meat. "We're all capable of it."

"Maybe guys like you, but I'm faithful when I'm in a relationship!"

"Sheesh, such a choir boy."

Barry falls back in his seat with a disbelieving huffed laugh.

"You haven't changed a bit, have you, Snart? You may seem slightly different," he shakes his head. "But not really."

Snart opens his arms wide.

"Why change perfection?" He points the steak knife at the hero. "It's you who has problems with accepting things as they are." He scoffs the other man. "Changing events all through time...Didn't you read the hero manual after getting your powers?"

"You told me yourself you tried to change things in your own life while with Captain Hunter," Barry points out, leaning closer to the other man.

Snart smirks as he looks up at the kid, his head still slightly bowed towards his food.

"I'm a criminal, Barry," he drawls mockingly. "If I didn't try to pull tricks or get things going my way, I'd have to resign from that position."

Sighing tiredly, Barry falls back in his seat again.

"Whatever," he shakes his head, looking away. "Obviously there's good in you but you still won't admit it."

"What sort of strategy is that?" Snart laughs. dropping his utensils, appetite suddenly gone. He lifts one finger, "First, you try to guilt me. Then," another finger rises, "you try to make me out as something else." He puts his elbow on the table, his hand fisting to rest his head on it. "Were you in that speedster time out for so long your brain melted?"

"There's nothing wrong with my brain."

"That's debatable."

"Are you trying to pick a fight? Right after saving me?"

"I see it less as _saving_ and more as _putting things right_." Snart stands, straightens his coat, then rounds the table to stand beside the speedster, leaning on the table to get into the younger man's face. "After all, it just isn't Central City without The Flash."

The Legend winks at the blushing hero, then disappears from sight.

Barry looks around for the other man to no avoid. His attention spaces as he tries to wrap around what just happened to him.

"Hey, pretty boy!" a woman snaps at the hero, bringing him back to his current situation. She shoves a piece of paper in his face. "You going to pay the bill or what?"

Barry stares at the paper, pats his empty pockets, then inwardly curses Leonard Snart while being simultaneously grateful to the man.

"Can I borrow your phone?" he asks, putting on his friendliest smile. The woman rolls her eyes and motions to it for the kid to find.

　

Snart chuckles from outside the eatery as he watches the blushing speedster duck his head in apology before heading for the phone.

Turning away, he thinks it's time for dessert and heads for Hershey Park. The tour was so-so but stealing the candy bars from the bored attendant was fun.

　

\--- - ---

　

Snart sits alone in a movie theatre, tossing popcorn into his mouth as he watches "The Green Hornet" play on the big screen.

_Ugh! What crap. They ruined a perfectly good comic book character for cheap jokes._

He's about to abandon the movie completely when the seat beside him is suddenly occupied.

"Hello handsome," the man beside Snart greets with a toothy smile. "Sorry I'm late for date night."

Snart teleports away to the top of the Eifel Tower, bringing the popcorn with him.

The stranger follows.

"Who are you?" the Legend asks the man. _He doesn't_ look _like me. Are there more of us 'jumpers'?_ He briefly closes his eyes with a disappointed sigh. _Did I seriously just name myself?_

"How incredibly rude of me," the stranger shakes his head. He straightens fully, wrapping an arm across his stomach before bowing to the waist at the Legend. "My name is Mxyzptlk." He turns his head, raising it just enough to wink at the other man. "But you can call me Mxy."

_Great. I've attracted a nut job._

Abandoning his snack, Snart goes to the white plateau to escape the stranger.

Mxyzptlk follows him yet again.

"How are you here?" Snart asks him, anger beginning to build.

"Is this place yours?" Mxyzptlk asks, looking the place over. "It doesn't appear to hold any of your charm. Are you trying to outwardly express and inward trauma perhaps?"

"I'm going to traumatize you in a second..." Snart marches over to the other man and grabs him by the front of his clothes. "Who are you? How are you able to follow me around?"

"My darling, have you forgotten me already?" Mxyzptlk puts his hands over the Legends. "It's me, Mxy! You interrupted my full introduction before by running away. Allow me to finish." He theatrically clears his throat. "As I stated, thrice, my name is Mxyzptlk. I am a humble, though handsome, imp from the Fifth-"

"An imp?" Snart interrupts.

"Yes, an all-powerful supremely handsome extra-dimensional entity," Mxyzptlk grins. "Though, your own presence makes me realize my shortcomings." He squeezes the other man's hands tightly. "I will try to better myself for you."

"Get off me!" Snart shoves the man away. "Are you insane?"

"Insanely in love, perhaps," Mxyzptlk allows with a tilt of his head. "But isn't that what happens to us all when we find our soulmate?"

"Love..." Snart begins to laugh while the man intruding into his life pouts at him. _How far will I have to run to get away from this psycho?_

"Shall I recite a poem to prove my affection?" Mxyzptlk offers, a long paper suddenly in his hands. "It's only three hundred lines long. I was working short notice."

"Listen, minxy-"

"Mxy," the man corrects.

"Okay, Peter," Snart returns for the interruption. "Let me put this to you straight-"

"I was until I met you," Mxyzptlk interrupts again.

" ** _I_** ," Snart seethes, "am **not** _interested_ , okay?"

"How can a man in love be okay after a rebuttal?" the imp asks, feigning confusion.

"Whatever," Snart waves a hand at him. "Just get lost."

"I can't!" Mxyzptlk loudly proclaims. He kneels in front of the other man, a dozen roses in his hands that he offers up to the angry Legend. "You have stolen my heart! How can I walk away without it!"

"I'm not interested!" Snart snaps, grabbing the flowers to hit the irritating man over the head with them. He jumps into another reality, picking it at random and landing in the pukingly pink one.

"OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!" the octoperson shouts from the water bank beside him. "A NEWCOMER! I CALLED YOU THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE NEW AND YOU CAME HERE!"

"You forgot the word handsome," Mxyzptlk corrects, wrapping an arm around the peppy-planet native who immediately hugs him back.

"OH YES! A HANDSOME NEWCOMER! YOU ARE RIGHT TO POINT THIS OUT. YOU TOO ARE A HANDSOME NEWCOMER!"

"Since you two seem to be getting along so well, why don't you stick together for a while?" Snart suggests, then returns to the plateau.

The scattered rose petals had multiplied, covering the entire floor of the white, boxed room. There were also two cushioned thrones placed atop a luxurious rug with a tray of chocolate covered strawberries and champagne nestled on a table in between.

"Welcome home, dear!" Mxyzptlk greets lowly, bending forwards from his spot behind the other man to be seen. He turns his head with a smile, "Is your heart melting for me yet?"

Snart punches the guy in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground.

"Okay, Gadiot, I really didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice," the Legend picks the man back up by the collar of his shirt. "Either you leave me _alone_ or I **beat** you until you do!"

"Mxyzptlk," the imp corrects with a perfect smile. "Or Mxy."

Snart punches him again, but when he goes for a second hit, the stranger disappears to sit on the left throne in the room.

"I'm not sure if you know how relationships work, Leonard," Mxyzptlk frowns in disappointment. "Just so you know, we do not show affection by beating our loved ones in the face."

"How do you know my name?" Snart growls, his eyes narrowing on his enemy.

"I heard it through the grapevine," the imp shrugs. "Though, I would have preferred if you told me it yourself...It just didn't seem like it was going to happen."

After a breath to calm his nerves, Snart straightens to level his opponent with a cold glare.

It doesn't seem to have any affect on the other man whatsoever.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Snart eventually bites out through clenched teeth. Even though he didn't have anything he _had_ to do, he definitely _didn't_ want some love-crazed weirdo following him around.

"To have and to hold you!" Mxyzptlk declares, rising to his feet with a flourish. "To love and cherish you, as long as we both shall live! Which," he laughs, bringing up open palm the side of his mouth as if to tell a secret, "is a _long time_ for me."

"Not gonna happen," Snart drawls. "so you might as well give up."

"No can do," the imp shakes his head. "I'm far too smitten to give up already." He wiggles his eyebrows. "I've only just begun!"

Snart blinks and within that time he's brought to a room made entirely of gold. Light coming from an immense golden chandelier in the middle of the space reflects brightly on the shined surface of furniture, paintings, and floors made entirely of gold.

"Too much?" Mxyzptlk asks, pocking at a painting stuck fast in the wall. "Should I take it down a notch?"

"I don't need this gaudy room," Snart grimaces. _I don't need money since I can just take whatever I want whenever I want._

"You're right!" the imp snaps his fingers with a nod. "You can get whatever you need while I can merely create it if need be! How foolish I've been."

Mxyzptlk appears in front of Snart, startling the man into taking a step back and away from him.

"There is one thing that we can't get whenever we please though," the imp grins, his eyes darting towards the other man's belt before returning to his eyes.

Snart punches him in the face, then takes off for Barry's dimension.

　

...

　

_If anyone can help me with a psychopathic stalker, it's Barry and his merry band of nerds._

Snart purposely puts himself several months passed when he returned the speedster to his family, not wanting to deal with the drama of their 'heart-felt' reunion.

When he appears before the speedster in his new apartment, however, he didn't take into consideration the man might be _busy_.

"Snart?!" Barry shouts out in surprise, pulling away from Iris whom he had been kissing on the couch. "What are you doing here?"

"It's time for you to return a favor," Snart drawls with a grin. He nods to the flushed face of the reporter staring at him in shock on the couch. "Iris. Nice to see you again."

"Is it?" Iris returns hotly.

"Contrary to whatever is in both of your heads, I don't _enjoy_ walking in on people." Snart looks around, surprised his current problem hadn't followed him.

"So what-what do you need from me," Barry clears his throat, desperate to collect himself.

"Ironically, I have a... _romance_ issue," the Legend grimaces at his word usage as he watches the speedster's eyes widen in surprise.

"You have a what?" Iris asks for her boyfriend.

A trumpet sounds, then Mxyzptlk appears, wearing a full sparring suit, sans the helmet that he holds under an arm. He raises his sword to the front of his face, then points it at the speedster.

"I challenge you to a duel!" the imp barks at the hero, startling him.

" _That_ is what I'm dealing with," Snart sighs, weakly waving a hand at the nuisance.

"Is he like you?" Iris asks, having stood up to go for the fire poker near the couch. "He's a teleporter?"

 _Jumper. No, don't correct her._ Snart shakes his head of his thoughts while he corrects the woman, "No. He's some sort of super-powered imp."

Snart gestures in between his old foe and his new one.

"Pleszczynski, Barry. Barry, Pleszcynski."

"The Flash," Mxyzptlk narrows his eyes at the speedster while the others in the room look at him in surprise. "It makes sense that my opponent for Leonard's affection would be so formidable."

"I-He-We're not dating!" Barry tells the man, motioning to the Legend wildly. " _WE_ ," he motions to Iris, "are dating!"

"A man of many lovers," Mxyzptlk rebukes haughtily. "You should be ashamed!"

Barry's jaw drops while Snart groans in agreeing irritation.

Mxyzptlk's outfit changes to a fancy Victorian getup, his white gloves in his hands.

"I, Mxyzptlk, the all-powerful imp from the Fifth Dimension, hereby challenge you," Mxyzptlk points a finger at the speedster, "Bartholomew Henry Allen to a fight to the death!"

"To the death?" Iris repeats, shocked.

"To the death!" the imp confirms with a nod. He steps forward and tries to hit Barry in the face with his glove, but the speedster grabs hold of his wrist, stopping him.

"I'm not fighting you to the death," Barry tells the other man. "Especially since this is all a misunderstanding!"

Mxyzptlk changes outfits again to look like a judge, complete with white wig, and stands behind a small pulpit while leaving the speedster in chains in front of him.

"The plaintiff may now plead his case," the imp declares, slamming his gavel hard against the pulpit while he looks down his nose at the other man.

"Enough!" Snart barks, beyond annoyed at the man infatuated with him. He points to the chains, "Get those **off** him, then get **out**!"

"But, darling-!"

"NOW!"

In an instant, Mxyzptlk returns to regular clothes at the same time the pulpit and chains are removed.

The imp glares at the speedster.

"Clearly you have ensnared my beloved too well for me to simply save him from your clutches," he remarks airily. "In respect to Leonard, I will step away. _FOR NOW_. Do not be too confident though!" he adds with a point to the hero's face. "I will return with a battle plan and you will fall, Bartholomew Allen." His voice lowers, "You...will...fall..."

In a puff of black smoke, Mxyzptlk vanishes.

Snart rolls his eyes as he sits heavily in the armchair beside the couch. As he puts his head in his hands, he misses the twin looks of confused horror from the couple whose lives he had interrupted.

"Okay, I'm just going to start us off with _what the heck_ , Snart?" Iris seethes out first, the hand with the poker waving with her anger. "Who was that? Why did you bring him here? Why are you here?"

"I didn't _bring_ him here!" the Legend snaps, his head still in his hands. "He showed up in front of me, I tried to shake him, but he can go wherever I do so..." he lifts his head to glare at the couple. "I came here so Barry could get rid of him for me."

"Me?" the speedster points to himself. "How can I get rid of an all-powerful imp?"

"The same way you get rid of Metas," Snart shrugs. He leans back in his chair to look up at the hero in disappointment. "Don't tell me you're going to give up without even _trying_. What sort of hero are you?"

"You have no right talking to anyone about what's the right thing to do," Iris snaps.

"It's okay, Iris," Barry assures his girlfriend. "He helped save me from the speedforce. I owe him one."

"You don't owe him anything," the woman returns. "What he did barely makes up for half of his crimes."

"What I did on the _Waverider_ made up for those long ago," Snart drawls. When he gets the couples attention again, he smiles. "Before I started jumping around realities, I traveled through time saving it from a maniac. Didn't you know?"

"As if I'd believe that," Iris scoffs.

"Actually..." Barry cautiously corrects his girlfriend, "It's true. A few other people I know went too. He's telling the truth."

"It doesn't really matter, children," Snart decides for them. "Whether you help me for me or you do it for yourself, it doesn't matter. I'm just going to hang around until that pest is taken care of."

"If you stay, he'll keep on thinking there's something between you and Barry," Iris points out.

" _Exactly_ ," the Legend grins.

The reporter steps forward, the poker raised to hit the Legend. In a blast of lighting. Barry takes the weapon and places his girlfriend on the end of the couch furthest away from their problematic visitor.

"I'll help you," the speedster tells the Legend, ignoring the small look of betrayal from his girlfriend. He suddenly remembers a strange story from his friend Kara. "I think I know someone who has met this...What's his name again?"

"Mxyzptlk," Snart grimaces. "I can't imagine how he spells that."

"That's worse than both our names combined," the speedster nods.

"Who's your friend?" the Legend powers through. "Are they in Central? Or in another dimension? I can bring us there right now either way."

"You're really going to up and leave with him?" Iris asks, standing to her feet again.

"I'll bring him back by bedtime, mom," Snart remarks sarcastically.

Barry pulls his girlfriend aside for a more private conversation.

"First, I'll tell the others where I'm going," he whispers. "The city will be safe with them watching over it. I'm not really needed."

"I need you," Iris counters in an angry hiss. "I keep feeling like you leave me every couple of months!"

"This time there's no danger," Barry tries to appease. "I'm merely helping a-" He stops, not knowing what to call Snart. He settles for, "person in need."

Looking into her boyfriend's eyes, Iris knows the man will go whether she agrees with it or not. Sighing in defeat, she looks away from the infuriating man she loved, wishing (not for the first time) he would listen to her more often.

　

After suffering through more words of opposition, Barry settles things with the others and stands beside Snart, ready to go.

"Geeze, they're so clingy," the Legend remarks.

"Things are still a little....test," the speedster shrugs. Suddenly feeling awkward, he hesitates to ask, "So...How do we do this?"

Snart offers the hero a hand, glancing at the others pointedly before darting his eyes towards his own in a silent order.

 _Really? Holding hands?_ Slowly, Barry lifts a hand and puts it in the Legend's.

"Off to Neverland," Snart grins, taking them away.

　

...

　

Kara is on fire! Her article is practically writing itself in front of her! Fingers flying over the keys of her laptop, she tucks her lower lip in between her teeth, eyes narrowing in absolute focus. When two uninvited men appear behind her in the apartment, she doesn't even notice.

"Done!" Kara cheers, throwing her arms up behind her head. She looks at her watch, "An hour before deadline to boot!"

The blonde woman swivels in her chair, ready to rush to CatCo to deliver her article, and that's when she notices the men.

She screams.

"Kara it's me!" Barry assures the woman, hands up as if to catch her.

"I know that, Barry!" the Kryptonian hisses, hand over her chest as she recovers from the shock. "What I _don't know_ is how you got here or even why!"

"Have you ever heard of an annoyance named Mxyzptlk?" Snart drawls, getting straight to the point.

Kara reaches out an arm to grab hold of her friend and pulls him close to whisper, "Who's that?"

"A-" again with the title struggle "-person in need of help. His name is Snart."

"Snart?" the Kryptonion repeats curiously. "How did he come across Mxy? Wait," she leans away from her friend, voice rising above a whisper, "How did you get in here?"

"I brought us," Snart answers, raising a hand like a child in a classroom to get the woman's attention.

"How?" the blonde repeats.

"He can jump from realities," Barry explains.

"Really?" Kara's eyes widen in admiration. "What sort of realities have you visited? Did you go to the Fifth Dimension? Is that how you met Mxy?"

"The places I go to don't necessarily have signs welcoming people who stop by," the Legend remarks sarcastically.

"He has a bit of a 'tude," Kara whispers to Barry, making the speedster snort.

Snart narrows his eyes at the super friends.

"Are you going to help me or not?" he asks icily.

"Any friend of Barry's," Kara shrugs.

 _"We're not friends,"_ the two men say at the same time.

The Kryptonian looks between the two as they look at each other.

"O...kay..." she hedges. Clapping her hands, she gains their attention. "The only way to get rid of Mxyzptlk is to get him to write or say his name backwards."

"And that won't happen again," Mxyzptlk announces, appearing beside Snart to lean against the man's shoulder.

The Legend shoves the man away.

"Mxy, what are you up to now?" Kara sighs, already tired at seeing the imp.

"Oh, don't worry, Kara Zor-El," Mxyzptlk smiles at the woman. I'm not here for you. Though," he narrows his eyes at her, his face twisting in anger, "I cannot believe our time together would drive you to help my _enemy_."

The last word is said so venomously that it has the blonde swallowing nervously as she looks to Barry for an explanation.

"He thinks I'm in love with Snart and trying to take him away," the speedster hurries to explain understandably.

"Are you?" Kara can't help but ask.

 _"NO!"_ Snart  & Barry chime in at the same time again.

"They're already in sync with each other," Mxyzptlk points out with unhidden contempt. He draws a sword the size of his body out of nowhere and points it at the speedster. "To the death!"

The imp charges at the speedster who flashes out of the way easily.

"Don't wreck my place!" Kara shouts as her couch is punctured.

Snart steps forward to turn the woman with a hand on her shoulder.

"How do you spell his name?" he asks.

"Don't you dare!" Mxyzptlk declares, changing into a professional boxer. "You'll have to contend with me if you do!"

Kara opens her mouth but a stripe of silver duct tape covers it before she can utter a noise.

With a growl, Snart turns a glare on the imp.

"Stop being a child!" he barks.

"Give me a chance first," Mxyzptlk returns, changing into a black tuxedo. He offers the other man a hand, "Shall we go to the theatre? You might like another one in Russia."

"How does he know so much about me?" Snart asks, turning back to the tape-covered blonde beside him.

Kara shrugs as she slowly pulls the tape off her mouth, trying not to make it hurt. As she finally separates it, another piece is immediately put back on. Throwing her hands, she glares at the imp as he looks innocently away from her.

Barry runs to Mxyzptlk, grabbing him by his fancy clothes to order him to, "Stop doing that!"

With a twist of his wrist, Mxyzptlk has the speedster wrapped up in tape from head to toe. He pushes the speedster away, making him fall to the ground like a log.

"Mhy!" Kara tries to call her friend's name as she rushes to him.

"How about this..." Snart drawls, letting the blonde assist the speedster. The bane of his existence turns to him curiously. "You leave them and their worlds out of this, and I'll give you a kiss."

"Mrly?!" Kara would gape if her mouth wasn't taped.

Barry phases through the tape to look up at the Legend, not sure if he heard the man right through the layers of his sticky cocoon.

"Promise? No take backs?" Mxyzptlk asks, both index fingers pointing at the man. When the Legend nod, he snaps his fingers happily, removing all traces of tape from the area.

"Snart, what are you-"

"Don't interrupt the adults, speedy," Mxyzptlk chides the speedster as he strides over to Snart to gain his prize.

"Ah!" Snart lifts a hand to stop the man's face from getting to close to his own. He turns his face away, eyes still looking at his opponent accusingly as he asks, "How do I know you'll keep your word?"

A book a foot wide appears in one of Mxyzptlk's hands while the other rests on his chest, right over his heart.

"I solemnly swear!" he vows.

Snart clicks his tongue with a shake of his head.

"I'm not sure I can believe that."

"What will make you believe me then?" Mxyzptlk asks. "A song and dance? I could write it in the skies for everyone to see! I could have it written on the front page of every newspaper on this planet!"

"Paper..." Snart nods, his left hand at his chin in thought. "Yes..." He looks at the imp with a small smile. "If we wrote out our agreement, then I'd believe you."

"So you want a contract?" Mxyzptlk clarifies, creating one in mid-air before grabbing it to offer to the other man. "How's this?"

Snart hisses in thought as he reads the contract over.

After a moment, he shakes his head.

"Nah, doesn't seem fair," he offers the paper back. "You're being cheated."

"Snart, what are you doing?" Barry hisses.

"Tell you what, I'll add something else to my end," Snart decides, leaning towards the imp. Cupping a hand over the other man's ear, the Legend whispers his intentions.

Mxyzptlk's cheeks pink as the man of his current affections leans away from him, his message completed.

The contract burns away as another simultaneously appears.

Snart brings the paper to a counter to sign it. Mxyzptlk hands him a pen and he takes it with a smile.

"Let's do it together," he suggests. The imp readily nods. "Ah!" he pauses, the pen a centimeter away from the paper. He leans towards the other man to whisper, "For the sake of privacy, let's write our names backwards."

"Good idea," Mxyzptlk nods several times, his hand already scribbling out the letters.

 _K.L.T.P.Z.Y.X.M._ Snart reads while only writing out 'tranS'.

Mxyzptlk finishes his name with a flourish, then looks to his prospect with an energetic smile.

"Oops," Snart tisks as he leans away from the counter. "He shakes his pen with a shrug. "All out of ink."

"That can't be," the imp frowns, reaching for the pen. His hand vanishes into a glow of blue. "What?" Mxyzptlk looks down at himself as he begins to disappear. He lifts his head at the Legend who is smirking at him triumphantly.

"Here's an idea," Snart offers the man turning into a glowing blue cloud right before his eyes. "Find a planet filled with lonely women and let yourself be chased for once. Alright?"

" _Leonard!_ " Mxyzptlk's voice trails out as he's completely covered in blue then completely vanishes.

"That's one way to do it," Kara remarks, crossing her arms over her chest. Standing on her tiptoes, she tries to read the contract still lying on the counter behind the Legend. "What did you promise him?"

Reaching back, Snart grabs the contract, crushing it in his hands, then disappears from the blonde to toss it into the nearest raging volcano.

When he returns to the apartment it's only been a few seconds but he still turns to the speedster with a sarcastic, "Miss me?"

Kara looks between the two as Barry rolls his eyes. _If they're not even interested in each other why is there so much tension between them?_

"Thanks for the assist, blondie," Snart smiles at Kara. "I was running out of idea to get rid of that guy."

"I think Mxy just wants to be loved," the woman offers with a small shrug. "He just goes about it the wrong way."

"We all want something," the Legend concedes thoughtfully. He looks meaningfully over to the speedster. "It's how we go after that something that defines the sort of person we are."

Kara nods. _Seriously, what is with these two?_

"Enough bonding, I'm returning the borrowed hero," Snart motions between the super friends. "Do you two want to hug it out first?"

Snart turns away as Barry and Kara say their goodbyes. (Yes, they hug.)

With a small wave as a final bid farewell, Barry steps over to Snart to stand beside him.

"I might be seeing you again, Kara," Snart warns the woman. "So keep an eye out."

"Bye, Snart!" Kara waves, then the two are gone. She waits five entire seconds, then runs from her apartment to hunt down her sister.

_I HAVE TO TELL ALEX ABOUT THIS!!!!_

　

...

　

Snart brings Barry to bottom of the front stairs outside Detective West's house.

"Why didn't you bring me back to the apartment?" Barry asks after looking around and realizing where he was.

"Your girlfriend probably came back home to bemoan her boyfriend not listening to her," Snart answers snidely. He laughs at the hero's small frown. "It's not like she's going to break up with you, Barry."

"I'm not worried about that," the speedster returns angrily. "I just don't like upsetting her."

"Then don't," the Legend shrugs. He chuckles. "When it comes to women, no matter what you do, you'll end up ticking them off at some point."

"Strange," Barry crosses his arms over his chest. "I don't remember reading about you being a relationship expert in your file."

"There's a special notice under all the hearts I've stolen," Snart winks. He disappears from the speedster's flustered face before the kid can vocalize a come back.

　

...

　

In the quiet of an unpopulized world, Snart sighs happily as he lays down on the rich, green grass that felt soft to the touch. He closes his eyes to the auburn sky, letting everything in his mind settle to nothing as he dozes off.............

 

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Author's Note:**

> *(I own NOTHING!!!!)*
> 
> Crossover Reference Note:  
> Prison Break=} http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455275/  
> Underworld=} http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0320691/?ref_=nm_knf_t2


End file.
